I used to hate going back
To reminisce and live through moments
That I wanted to selectively incinerate
To make pretend and lock it away
Yet I have come to understand
That despite all of that I felt
All the pain
All the hurt
All the silence
All of it
It shaped me into who I am
But it won’t determine who I will be
So whatever you have in your past
Embrace and let go
To live and to soar



th (3)

I am not the first woman you kissed
The first to caress your lips
I am not the first woman that you have made love to
Or the first for a lot of things
I will not let that take away from what I feel
I wish you could meet me there
Focused on making me your last
Opposed to staying affixed to the past




Every cell of my body shakes

When I visit my past

Holistic healing

By visting places that haunted me

Places that had me feeling dead

While my wrist had a pulse

This isn’t easy

But only by going back

I can free myself

From what was rooted as a tormented seed

It can be transformed, acknowledged and closed

I want to be the sole writer of my story

But I gave my pen away

I have awakened

I must return for it

Now every cell of my body shakes

But now it isn’t fear

It is pure excitement

In order to heal what had been hidden

I must face myself




It has been almost a decade since the last time I saw him

He messaged me on Facebook

Trying to see if we could catch up over dinner

It’s funny how love and life intertwine

But timing always gets my best laugh

At this point it all seems futile

Whatever his intentions may be

He was my first love

But whatever feelings I once had are completely gone

Not sure what has him back in our past

When I made sure to pick up even the last ash